Crying or not crying?

For a few years now, smoking has been banned in Georgia restaurants and a good many other places. I've gotten kind of used to it.

So when I walk into a restaurant in a state such as, oh, I dunno, ALABAMA, it kinda takes me aback when I'm asked "Smoking or nonsmoking?"

I didn't notice it so much years ago, but now even the places with nonsmoking section still reek throughout of cigarettes. I wonder how in the world I ever enjoyed a dinner when it was the same way in Georgia.

But the ban's success in Georgia (obviously unnoticed by Alabama legislators who think the 27 percent of Alabamians who smoke will eat all their meals at restaurants in Mississippi) has folks thinking about other possible bans in restaurants.

"How about a no-children section?" went one suggestion in our newspaper's beloved Sound Off section, tucked somewhere between simple-minded comments about how liberals are stupid and conservatives are evil. I hate such blanket statements -- especially when it's so obvious that some liberals are evil and some conservatives are stupid. Thank goodness for nice independent geniuses like me.

Anyway, it's not such a bad idea. But you've got to consider the families with kids like my 8-year-old son who acts like an adult in restaurants and even handles any problems with his orders with a polite "excuse me." Granted, he's had more experience in restaurants than most adults because we rarely have time to fire up the ol' microwave for some old-fashioned home cooking.

But while eating at one of our four gazillion chain restaurants the other day, I did have the joy of a whiny toddler attacking me from the next booth. And the added bonus of the sniffling kid throwing a tissue at me. The kid's mom didn't seem to be overly concerned, so I decided to assist her parenting by teaching the kid some dirty words to use at home... or when he learns to drive in about 14 years.

I certainly saw the whole point of the child-free section wish. But I've got a few more sections I'd like in restaurants:

• No loud cell phone conversations section.

• No table full of guys who have no concept of proper public behavior or language (and this is coming from a newspaper man) section.

• No perfume that smells like something Chemical Ali concocted in Iraq section.

• No Muzak versions of Led Zeppelin section (mainly for fast-food chains).

• No waitress will try to memorize eight special orders without writing them down section.

But, I don't see those coming. I guess if it bothers me too much, there's always the ol' microwave.

BLAWG WILD

Read more from Chris Johnson on his blog at http://blawgwild.blogspot.com.

Contact Chris Johnson at 706-320-4403 or cjohnson@ledger-enquirer.com